So apparently I missed the best part of the party. Goddamn it. It got broken up at around 12 15. Well, security didn't tell us we had to break it up but they told us that if they came back again, my suite would be in trouble and there were way too many people to quiet down for that to be an option. I hadn't even had a chance to enjoy it because there were too many people to be signed in and the guy at the desk was being really strict so I had to beg all of my engineering friends to sign people in. So we kicked everyone out and we started cleaning and mopping the floor before it had a chance to get sticky. The rest of the party moved to goose and tail's suite and I was going to go up there too, but before i had even finished cleaning sasha called to say that that had gotten broken up and people were moving to lion's head. There was no way I was going to lions head in the cold to pay for alcohol, so i chilled for a while with aron and suitemates and then went to bed.

And I missed the party! And there was crazy drama and drunkenness! So not only did my team lose at frisbee but I wasn't even there to help win the party! I'm pissed. If I had known people were still up in 1206.... It didn't help that I lost my phone at some point (it dropped under my bed) and I was too lazy to look for it. I hate missing out. There were people I liked there. It would have been fun. Goddamn it.

tired

There's going to be a party in my suite in a couple hours and I'm so tired. I just want to nap and chill by myself for a while so that I'll be in a good mood when people start coming. When i haven't had time to settle and recharge i get so much more irritable and easily frustrated. Not that the last couple days weren't really fun. I just get drained if i don't have some time to myself.

I've been hanging out with aron a ton which is a lot of fun. He can be a little intense to be around. It's been a long time since I talked to someone this much. Its like how i remember when i first made friends with karen and we talked all the time and walked each other back and forth between our houses and then talked on the phone some more. It's a good feeling and scary all at the same time.

It was a kind of random week with valentines day on wednesday. Which usually doesn't even register with me as more than a minor blip but was pretty amazing this year. Then Thursday i went over to brian and jake's suite and they were watching pirates. Not pirates of the caribbean. Pirates the porn. I watched for a while but there were too many fake boobs and the dialogue was just as horrible as i expected. You'd think for being the highest budget porn ever or whatever they would have less boring sex or a more interesting plot/ fight scenes or both. Then on the other end of the spectrum, last night i went to vagina monologues. I enjoyed it but it definetely made me think about experiences that i don't ever think about. Which was also intense. There are large parts of my past that I almost never remember. Not that i have any deep dark secrets; i don't. Just some things get glossed over until an outside force triggers a memory. Vagina monologues triggered a lot of memories, some good some not so much. Its clearly been a sexual kind of week.

I hope the people that need to be signed in come early so i have time to chill. With a theme like global warming, i practically have to wear a bikini so going to the front desk many times is going to be especially painful.

I'm pissy. And moody. And I plan to stay that way. At least until I feel like stopping. So there.

What day is it? Monday? I spent so much time in class today. Class is lame. I stayed up so late last night, the first part deriving the continuity equation for cylindrical coordinates (or trying) and the second part talking about feelings. I don't know which is more tiring. Coordinates? Feelings? Fuck that shit.

Now, potlucks. Those are a good idea. Always. It was funny how many people brought totally cold weather food, heavy starch and soup type stuff. Usually I love hosting them because the more random people show up and bring the most random things. I think we had 30 people. Maybe more. Probably more. There were a bunch that i didn't even know. But then my foot started really hurting and i remembered all the problem sets i had to do so i just decided to be anti-social. I'm pretty sure my foot isn't broken though because it feels better today and not worse. And I'm not pregnant. Two good things. I still probably shouldn't run tonight but at least i can get a decent lift in.

Damn i meant to study for econ before practice but as usual i got distracted. It'll have to wait til after. Oh i watched the Pursuit of Happyness (a while ago now) and i really liked it but man was it depressing. Yeah you knew that things were going to work out for will smith in the end but it didn't make it a happy ending. It just made it a slightly less sad movie.

I haven't felt like posting lately, mostly because there's so much I don't want to talk about. But I was sitting in the B school library and listening to a couple of students compare travel stories and work experience, and I was struck with a sense of loss. It took me a while to figure out why, but i realized it was the same feeling when i chose no to go right to college and when i sent back the letter saying I'd go to Barnard. Not a sense that I had made the wrong choices, but a sense that my options are continually contracting. Every choice that I make has a series of paths that I haven't taken and I feel the loss of all of those. All the jobs I'll never take and the places I'll never live and the places I'll never go and the people I'll never meet. Sometimes its impossibe to be satisfied when I think about how small a portion of the world I'll ever get a chance to see or know.

That being said, I have been pretty satisfied lately. I had a really nice birthday Friday. I made myself French toast and then went to moma to look at the photographs and then chilled at Barnes and Nobles. I met aron for dinner at mesa which was delicious, and I'm really proud of the book I bought him for his birthday which is my birthday. Then I went and chilled with Tracy and Daniella for a while which is always a lot of fun. We did the OK Go dance and made turtle try on tracy's shirts and drank godivas liquor. The bar was a lot of fun and I was really happy to see so many people there but by the end of the night I was totally crashed out. And a couple of people were being jackasses. But mostly I was just tired because we got to the bar so early.

The rest of the weekend was pretty solid. Winter league saturday and we actually won a game. Yay! Babysitting at Tammy's which is the easiest money I'll ever make and I love the kids. Super bowl party at Goose and retail's. That was a lame super bowl though. The commercials were unimpressive and the game itself sucked. I got bored and started reading whatever susan sontag book was lying around. Something about war and empathy. Nice light reading.

I actually got a lot of work done today which was good because i only had one class. I don't even know what day it is. Wednesday? Yeah it must be because i have track tonight. And because i had dinner with leroa monday and dinner with tracy tuesday and that gets us to wednesday. Tracy said she might be up for moving to brooklyn with me and leora next year which would be sweet. I just need to get stupid archstone to tell me when they want me to start. And figure out when i want to start.

If my parents are willing to lend me money and they said they are, i'm really thinking i want to travel for a couple of weeks before i start either a road trip or south america with elizabeth or maybe a short european thing like biking across ireland. I have to figure things out though. I'd love to go with karen but she works and so does leora. Anyway, I'll figure it out.