first week down

So dispite how utterly terrified I was, the first week went pretty well I would say. Two other women started with me. They're both associates out of business school and the three of us had orientation all day monday. I thought that I would be staffed on a project right away but they didn't really have work for any of us. So really I've been doing my own thing all week. There are about 45 people based out of the new york office but almost all of them are staffed at any one time, so this week there were probably about 8 people around because they were between projects. It seems like a pretty social office. Everyone goes out and gets lunch together and then brings it back to eat in the conference room. I brought lunch cause I'm a cheap bastard and I make good sandwiches.

As expected, I didn't buy what I needed to wear. I bought suits and knit shells to wear under them but the women mostly wear button downs, but not ugly ones. They're pretty stylish people in a Brooks Brothers type way. There are also a lot of women in the office which is nice and lots of them are young.

So what did I do all week? Whatever I wanted. But what I wanted was to learn all the shit I'm going to need soon enough. So I brushed up on my excel and powerpoint skills, did a little random internet research for people, and spent a lot of time researching business concepts. Everyone has an MBA and I feel really behind. What do I know about balance sheet or porter's five forces? But wikipedia is a glorious thing. Friday there was a strategy training session from 4 to 8 and then a happy hour. The strategy thing was so interesting. I'll write more about actual consulting later.

I guess I'm most proud of the pure number of people I've talked to this week. That sounds silly but to me any social interaction with strangers is an effort and I made the effort over and over again. And I didn't cry once.

well fuck it....

I will be more open to people, solutions and experiences. I will listen better and approach problems with flexibility and without bias.

I will see my family, friends, and boyfriend as the cornerstones of my life and make investments in them freely and without expecting any return. I will love.

I will respect the choices of others and not judge the actions or thoughts of those closest to me. I will practice patience, gratitude and understanding.

I will dedicate resources to the improvement of my health, knowledge, and personal growth. I will have a sound body and will expand my mind and heart at every opportunity.

I will treat money as a tool and not a goal. I will plan wisely and realistically for the immediate and long term future without forgetting that the present is to be lived and enjoyed. I will travel.

I will improve my athletic abilities and choose teams that suit my needs and style. I will contribute to those teams with my skills on the field and my attitude off it.

I will develop a career path that positively impacts the greater world. I will choose jobs that I find personally fulfilling.

I will recognize my ability to choose in every situation and take responsibility for my actions. I will work to the best of my abilities at every task I encounter and strive to continually learn from my triumphs and mistakes.

I will forgive myself and not dwell on my own shortcomings. I will control my fears and anticipate positive outcomes.

I'm sure people must be dying for news of me. After all, I've disappeared for a very long time. There's a lot less internet access when you're camping in maine or at the cabin with your family. Camping in Maine with karen was awesome. We really got a chance to talk and we were able to bike and hike in some beautiful places. Also, we bought a lobster down on the docks for $6 and then bought a bucket and then boiled it over a camp fire. And then I ate it. =)

The last few days I've been home, but it's been to hot to sit in front of a computer for very long. And I've been busy getting everything together to move first to aron's for a week, then to tao's for a month and then to a real place in september. There's been a lot to do but it's all coming together. I've been mostly worried about outfitting myself. I have clothes and shoes and I bought a nice watch yesterday and today mikey bought me two bags for birthday presents, one for this year and one for last year.

I've been really nervous about starting. Really scared. There are just so many unknowns. In response I've been focusing on the details, the shopping and the financials, the first day and the tax forms rather than the big pictures. I took a much needed step back last night and spent some time thinking through and writing down my values in a series of statements. I came up with a list that encompasses how I want to think and behave when I'm by myself, with my friends, with my family or at work. I felt much better when I had. If I have a clear idea of my own values and ideals, then I can make smaller decisions that reflect them and be more purposeful in my actions. For example, before I went through that process I had already made a budget for the year, but after writing my values down clearly, I could change my budget to reflect that. So I allocated more money towards seeing my family for example. I guess I'm trying to use the time I have to be introspective so that I'll have something to fall back on when I get busy. Maybe at some point I'll post the statements I wrote, but for now, they're still a work in progress.