I don't think I'm depressed. I really don't. But I read somewhere a line "I have gotten used to the company of sadness." Or maybe I made it up. I don't know, but that's how I feel. I know its there behind me, waiting, but for the most part it keeps its distance. But I can feel it coming closer when I'm by myself and at night, especially at night. And I don't mind. I almost prefer it to show its face honestly instead of getting me indirectly like it does when I spend my day unfocused, unproductive, and unenthousiastic. It's hard not to be touched. "In time this too will pass." Vajda tells me we gave up to easily, we threw it away. But I make it a policy not to listen to Vajda, especially on romantic matters, and he's wrong anyway.

O Malley got a job at Microsoft. I'm so proud of him and jealous all at the same time. We've been friends so long (8 years? 9?), and for so long, he was the safe one, the one who I thought was drifting towards a house in medfield with a younger, simpler girl and a job at his father's company. Since we hit college, he's either changed a lot or I learned to appreciate him, cause I'm so impressed. Probably a little of both. So he's got an amazing job in a great city making plenty of money to enjoy it. And his girlfriend's got a Fulbright. I've never met the girl but I know I like her and I'm so glad he's with someone smart and independent. That being said, I'm crazy jealous of both of them cause they're going places and I'm here. Stuck. And drinking alone, incidently, though if Bailey's and coffee counted, I'd be officially a lush.