dreams

I had a dream that I went home with someone new one night after a party or something. It was that time of the night when you're both pretty sure its going to happen but nothing definate has been said or done yet. It turned into a nightmare, as my dream turned into a panic attack and the guy (whoever he was) dissapeared. How scary is it to let someone see you, naked and vulnerable? To let someone else know what you like and what you don't and what you do during your most private times? To put your body and your reputation in someone else's hands? Suddenly it seemed like such a momentous step that I was sure (in my dream) that I would never take that step again, never put myself out for that kind of judgement again, never let anyone see me like that.

When I woke up, I knew it wasn't true; sometime people, sex would seem casual, fun, joyful again. But that feeling of fear, of risk, of the significance of it persists.

That wasn't very coherent.