frustration
Articles like this make me want to never get married or have kids...
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/02/business/02work.html?_r=1&incamp=article_popular_2&oref=slogin
Honestly when I picture "family" or "marriage" all I can think about is what it will feel like to work til 6 or 7 or whenever and come home and find the breakfast dishes still in the sink, the kids running around without dinner, and a husband on the couch, not even noticing the mess. It stresses me out just to think about. Which is weird because my parents have a good marriage and I had a great family growing up. Yet, it was always my mom who had to make dinner or vacuum or get the kids to practice. Or she had to be the one to tell someone else (me or my dad) to do it. Things didn't get done unless she did them herself or nagged, and I'm so afraid that that's the way it has to be. It made her unhappy, bitter, angry in a way you could feel even when she didn't seem aware of it herself, and I'm so afraid it will do the same to me.
It also seems like a lose-lose situation. If I go to work then I have to come home to that second shift and end up, in reality working 14 hour days and having to pay some other woman to look after my kids. If I leave the work force, I'm turning my back on my intelligence, wasting my education, becoming financially dependent on my husband, and probably being bored to tears.
But when I picture a life without a family, without those close relationships, I just get depressed. I am supremely ambivilent and every new article that comes out about Yale graduates deciding to be stay at home moms, or statistics about how women are happier when their husbands make much much more then them make me think about things and wonder how I'm ever going to find a path that suits me.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/02/business/02work.html?_r=1&incamp=article_popular_2&oref=slogin
Honestly when I picture "family" or "marriage" all I can think about is what it will feel like to work til 6 or 7 or whenever and come home and find the breakfast dishes still in the sink, the kids running around without dinner, and a husband on the couch, not even noticing the mess. It stresses me out just to think about. Which is weird because my parents have a good marriage and I had a great family growing up. Yet, it was always my mom who had to make dinner or vacuum or get the kids to practice. Or she had to be the one to tell someone else (me or my dad) to do it. Things didn't get done unless she did them herself or nagged, and I'm so afraid that that's the way it has to be. It made her unhappy, bitter, angry in a way you could feel even when she didn't seem aware of it herself, and I'm so afraid it will do the same to me.
It also seems like a lose-lose situation. If I go to work then I have to come home to that second shift and end up, in reality working 14 hour days and having to pay some other woman to look after my kids. If I leave the work force, I'm turning my back on my intelligence, wasting my education, becoming financially dependent on my husband, and probably being bored to tears.
But when I picture a life without a family, without those close relationships, I just get depressed. I am supremely ambivilent and every new article that comes out about Yale graduates deciding to be stay at home moms, or statistics about how women are happier when their husbands make much much more then them make me think about things and wonder how I'm ever going to find a path that suits me.
posted by influx @ 1:13 PM
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