Stoooooooops

I knew it would hurt but goddamn... Yesterday I was fine all day. I held it together. I studyed for my midterms today. And then I made the mistake of clicking on his facebook profile, and saw that under relationship status it said "single." I totally lost it. I don't want him to be single! I want him to be with me, and I'm jealous of every new experience he's going to have without me and every person he's going to talk to who isn't me. It took me a long time to calm myself down. I lay there in bed, making up stories for myself about what I was going to do on spring break or how my move to Seattle was going to go or just what I was going to do the next day until I finally fell asleep.

The worst is that I can't talk about it with anyone. I can't expect sympathy because I knew exactly what I was getting into and did it anyway. And I can't expect understanding; I talked to very very few people about how things stood between us. Hell, half our friends didn't even know we were at all together until we'd been that way for several months. And I spent a lot of time playing it cool. So I'm avoiding people. All of them.

Luckily I'm seeing Karen this weekend. I can talk to her, cause in a weird way, she is my emotional half. When we were 14, a guy I had been "dating" (it wasn't real, i wasn't even sure I liked him) broke up with me, and she cried for me, many more tears than that 2 month fake relationship was worth. The point is, it'll be good to see her.