what ifs

I was thinking about my first frisbee spring break and realizing that I have almost no memories of the people that I'm now good friends with. I remember chilling on the beach with mara, part of the car ride in sai's car, and talking to sam. I remember rookie challenge with gabi and austin giving me a disc anyway. Krishna turning on ESPN 24 hours a day. Amanda yelling at me for telling her to turn down the music at 5:30 am. I remember stoops video taping our games and gabi sitting on his lap. And that's about it.

But it makes me wonder what could have happened if I had loosened up a little that week and gotten to know people. If I had started talking to the guys, casey, tao, ben who must have been there but i can't remember, and realized that there were cool guys out there. If I had started talking to stoops. What could have happened if we had noticed each other my sophomore year, instead of being peripheral for so long.

Maybe things had to happen the way they did; I'm glad I took a while to get into the ultimate scene because now i have friends outside it, and now that I'm older I don't have to worry about people making me drink, which i was really uncomfortable with as a freshman. Until me and steve broke up, I didn't really have a lot of interest in that group. Though part of that is that it takes me a while to get comfortable with a group of people. And relatonship-wise i learned a lot with/from steve. a lot of growing up and maturing went on, as well as a lot of good times. So most of it wasn't wasted.

But part of me still wishes very much I hadn't overlooked him.