school blues

There are times in college when I've really been interested in my work. When I've gotten a real kick out of editing a paper well or a sense of satisfaction from finishing a problem set. That's one of the reasons why I'm a good student, cause I like the feeling of getting absorbed in an assignment and watching it come together. This semester though, that feeling has been so elusive. I have 13 pages to writing that needs to turn into 20. Which is totally possible, once I structure it and add the sources I need, it'll be 20 and halfway decent.

But I just don't want to. I want to leave it and go down to the village and walk around or spend time with my friends or play soccer in the park or find a place to live over the summer which I still haven't done. And I know that if I don't get this done I can't go to Floralia or Gabi's party tonight and I can't see Sarah tommorrow. But its so hard to just sit down and do it. On top of that, my body just noticed that I hadn't been sleeping enough and seems to want to catch up immeadiatly. So I slept in way too late.

Last year at this time I was doing my best to help Stoops procrastinate on all his work. This semester its just me and that feeling in my stumach that means I want to be somewhere else. Everyone's transitioning except me.

And I'm not going to do well this semester which makes it even harder to finish the year cause I know I'm way below my standards. My mom was making me feel better about that, "well you know, when we were in college, your father and I barely got a 4.0. Combined. And we're doing just fine. And Russell Sage is not even close to Columbia. All these boomers looking at your resume should remember that they spent their college years stoned at state schools." She does have a point, I guess I'm just way to competative to let it go at that. I want to be at the top of everything and I want to do the best work I can, and I know I'm smarter than this.