"I miss you but not as much as I miss the skin on my hand"
I tried to call last night, 5 or 6 times but I kept getting the Uganda phone lady telling me that "all circuits are busy" I drank way too much last night and I don't even know why. It was not a good idea, but people handed me tequila shots and I took them. It was cool to run into the engineers but they didn't make me drink. I think I just didn't want to think. I'm glad I could go back to Gabi's party and chill with my friends for a while cause I needed to be around people who were cool with me. The walk home was scary cause its so far and so sketchy and everything was wobbly.
This morning I came back from brunch with sarah to find a e mail saying "if you get this in the next 2 hours, call me" I had tried once already that morning but when I tried now it worked. It was so hard to hear him though and I felt bad cause I kept having to ask him to repeat himself or asked him questions that I know he had just answered. His hand is hurt cause he crashed his bike for the second time but I couldn't understand how bad. His perminant placement is going to be 2 hours from anything resembling a town and he finishes training in 3 weeks. I'll have to make sure I call him to congratulate him. I'm going to call him Friday at midnight at the end of the year party and he's going to try to be someplace with better service.
I don't know. This whole moving on process seems to be so sporatic. I'll be fine for weeks, not thinking about it, flirting with other people, laughing at my own silliness. But then something will happen to make me feel like i did the first week after he left. I'm trying to be careful cause sometimes when you can idealize something or someone when they're not there. I don't want to idealize him or stay stuck. I don't know if it would make it better or worse if he missed me. Better cause then at least I would know I wasn't the only one having a hard time. Worse because it wouldn't change anything. I'm sure he's got too much adjusting to do to think about it, some place new with a constant set of new challenges.
When I was travelling, I was homesick a lot of the time, mostly it was exhousting never being able to relax or be able to count on anyone. In a strange country speaking a foreign language without the cultural benchmarks you're used to; it was so tiring to never be understood, to always have to worry about my next move knowing that if I made a mistake, I had no where to turn. But at the same time everything was exciting and new, and there was so much else to think about besides home and the people I hadn't seen for months.
So I don't know what he's going through. Probably some combination. I just know that phones are a mixed blessing.
This morning I came back from brunch with sarah to find a e mail saying "if you get this in the next 2 hours, call me" I had tried once already that morning but when I tried now it worked. It was so hard to hear him though and I felt bad cause I kept having to ask him to repeat himself or asked him questions that I know he had just answered. His hand is hurt cause he crashed his bike for the second time but I couldn't understand how bad. His perminant placement is going to be 2 hours from anything resembling a town and he finishes training in 3 weeks. I'll have to make sure I call him to congratulate him. I'm going to call him Friday at midnight at the end of the year party and he's going to try to be someplace with better service.
I don't know. This whole moving on process seems to be so sporatic. I'll be fine for weeks, not thinking about it, flirting with other people, laughing at my own silliness. But then something will happen to make me feel like i did the first week after he left. I'm trying to be careful cause sometimes when you can idealize something or someone when they're not there. I don't want to idealize him or stay stuck. I don't know if it would make it better or worse if he missed me. Better cause then at least I would know I wasn't the only one having a hard time. Worse because it wouldn't change anything. I'm sure he's got too much adjusting to do to think about it, some place new with a constant set of new challenges.
When I was travelling, I was homesick a lot of the time, mostly it was exhousting never being able to relax or be able to count on anyone. In a strange country speaking a foreign language without the cultural benchmarks you're used to; it was so tiring to never be understood, to always have to worry about my next move knowing that if I made a mistake, I had no where to turn. But at the same time everything was exciting and new, and there was so much else to think about besides home and the people I hadn't seen for months.
So I don't know what he's going through. Probably some combination. I just know that phones are a mixed blessing.
posted by influx @ 1:53 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home